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Friday, November 25, 2005

My job today was greeted very nicely with kumar's talkshow. omg i tell u, he has gotta be the most talented speaker in singapore. so direct yet so humourous. but i think he's better off doing his drag queen style. sadly somebody from our sch looks like him. guess who? but kumar's obviously a walking lump of talent. here's so quote from his very own talkshow.

On intellectuals(meaning people)
'... I tell u we the indians are definitely the most intellectual ppl around. if u don understand anything i say later, pls ask the indians, and if u don't understand why silly indians laugh to my words, simply follow blindly.'
'...don understand any of wadever is happening here? migrate to johor, they're much slower just like u.'
'... singapore such a chinese city now but do u know it's actualli a malay country actualli? see malays don know because they're abit slow, but they're developing, like johor. we indians know that u see. intellectuals!'

On politics
'singapore onli has 3 powerful indians around, Pres Nathan, Minister of education, and me...'
'...i'm legally certified u know'
'im gonna become he next president on 2010, u see ppl support me. life's gonna be easier when i be e pres, cuz u know in the office u're suppose to hang a phote of pres and wife rite? when i become pres, u just need to hang a photo of me without makeup(when kumar's still a man) and a photo of me with makeup(kumar become 'woman')'
'imma have open house at istana everyday when im the pres and durin national da, i reward the entire country with money.'

On people interrupting his talkshow
'eh shut up. when i talk, u don talk cuz im one of the powerful indians around'

On singapore
'..know wad? america have 911 as their national disaster, singapore just need 1 stupid nicoll highway to collapse and it is national disaster. but know wad? i think singapore's national disaster is Ms singapore universe. all the ugly girls join and fight for the stupid tiara while the pretty girls work at factory rite?..'
'...then when ms singapore universe compete in the ms universe title, they wear literally swimsuit when it's the 'swimsuit' category, other country wear 2 piece(bikini and panti) whilst singapore wear 1 piece. look like what u know? ha gao and siew mai.'
'...when brazil ladies come out, woa viewership soar like no one's business but when singapore ladies come out, switch channel.'
'..we will nv have world peace with ugly girls around'

On airlines
'..i tell u, nv take indian airline because the air stewardess is as old as ur ah ma and walks as if there is a vibrator between their leg shaking non-stop. forget to off la.'
'..last time singapore airlines girl 'teh teh' super big. pour tea to guys rite? woa the guys ask more more more. not their 'teh teh' shrink, pour tea, the guy say wa suay sia faster faster.'

On Merz
'...merz is actualli engineered by the germans but it is the americans who marketed it till it's height, the malays sell it, chinese drive it and we indians? wash it.'

On sex
'..i tell u ar the malay guys ai yo, like carpet fur down there super clean, indians like forest sia, so whenever u do that, don off the light, cant see where to aim. chinese, nothing to say. don believe ask the guy next to u to pull down his pants.'
'..when chinese girls hv sex, they lie down like corpse, no sound. cannot shake or else, leg break hand break. malays girls? they just keep moaning butoh butoh jolot la sini! then indian, scream like no one business. u know wad race is the best race to have sex with? the ang moh. they very enthu. they go keep it comin baby up here darling!'
'... i come from a damn horny family, my parents are 80+ yet they're still having sex. my mother, seeing that my father cannot erect right? she spray hair spray on that part to make it stand u know.'
'..i tell u ar. singapore girls teh teh so small. know why it look so big? because of these!(as kumars pick out a sponge padding from his chest)See. that's why it looks like sponge cakes. don believe go touch the girl beside u.'
'...and malays, u're not suppose to use condoms rite? it's against the religion. use pandan leafs. exotic somemore.'

On camels
'..the last time i rode a camel, it refuse to move. wonder if it was homophobic or wad. so i came down from the camel. the lady-in-charge decided to tickle the camel as its private part and it rode off leaving me behind! i ask the other guy if he cld tickle my part as well so i cld chase after the camel.'

It's god damn funny i tell u. he's the best! ROCK ON KUMAR. jester...

the above re-enactment are simply qoutes from wad i heard during his talk show. it represents no definite stand from either of the part(me and kumar). it's plainly entertainment purposes.

Big brother's watching blogosphere. better clarify.

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