FLOW FLOW FLOW, Just flow BIARCH

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

this is one big important entry which i feel has been quite an impact on me.
Let us start the bitching session. it all begins with my 2 second thought again but this time, it seems to be resonating in my mind every since a event today, hence a 2 hr thought(it's special cuz i hardly have this. probably it's a awaken dragon in my heart.)
today i was asked to return to a hobby group(discreet) in school for some trials. at the point when i received the messaged, my response was,' oh man. not this. it's so history to me cuz of some past events, which re-organise my perception of 'fairness'.'
Critique this.
XXX,'U r graded purely on today's performance. so give it ur best shot.'
(2 hrs past and in the time that lapsed, i've so called self-secure myself a seating in the group with my unbelievable result.)
XXX(2 hrs later),'sry steven but u r out. i feel that YYY deserves this seating much more than anyone cuz of his PAST performance....'
(saw that 'past' lettering?)
Holy i mean u cant deside on ur vocab to use?
so i was like alrite, mayb im not fated to do this hobby which i tot has always been my best(besides something else *SECRET* and bitching that is). so i decided to say bye to that thing. it's so not fair. and i feel that why wasn't i assessed on my strength and THAT ACTUAL DAY PERFORMANCE? so diddly fiddly fellow even got himself a seating without being triumphant in any(pardon me) *SHIT*
and my life from that day on was a gamble. did i do the right thing? until i met this realli great clique in school.
'YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST OF MY LOVE!'
time sure proved alot of things to me. that i can be very independent, that i am capable of achieving anything i want. and that im loved and i do love.
today's return to that wadever team sure proved my words right. well almost.....
1st i entered humbly (pls ppl, im a laughing fellow and i like to socialise. my face was abit blur today cuz 1stly, today's happenin was so intense to my body and secondly, i've tried my best to go around.) well like wad my good fren say, why shld i go around pleasing ppl? i shld be comfy with myself. and that's wad i do. stand alone mostly and waiting for commands to execute. and i swear wadever i did today, i've done my 100% and i can feel my bit of involvement.
just after i tot that to myself, that stupid in-charge ranted at me, '1 MONTH!'.
i was like wtf!!! why wasn't my strength assess again? why is the moment of accident revealation of weakness magnified to the size of jupiter? FREAK MAN!
there was ppl who performed below my line. why was i picked? as much as i tried to encourage myself by thinking,' alrite he thinks 1 have the potential, so that 1 month is for u to polish urself. 1 mth. i've achieved more.'
still i cant stop my 2 second thought to take over me.
my thought later on was pretty evil.
today's event was actualli a bad opening cuz of some backstabbin issue of a unsatisfied follower. well the target? the in-charge but who else cuz he knows how to spell fairness the other way round.
wad did i say? time is surely the best witness. without fire, there cannot be smoke.
it's just time. mayb not ur time now, but it will be. and i swear. with backstabbers going around, heart is definitely going to break cuz the truth is simply deafening and cruel.
wanna hear my part of truth, I say alrite. 1 month. after that, if u show me that look and the punitive attitude, i say fuck it man. go look for ur mr perfect, and ah! no one is perfect. anyway i am no one in ur team. get right!
I was about to dedicate a song to that freakish hobby group but then again, u don deserve a shit.

Flow With Me Biarch}